NaNoWriMo 2017 : We are the Braves!

Ah Ah! It’s that time of the year again!

Logo_of_National_Novel_Writing_Month

Do you know the National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short? If you always wanted to write a book, fiction or not, maybe you should. This challenge is based on the crazy assumption that one can write 50 000 words in the month of November – that’s 1667 words a day, every day, for 30 days.

I have participated in NaNoWriMo 5 times in the last 7 years. It is no small feat. I failed many times, miserably. But it got me going. It got me started on the truly humbling path of writing and exploring my inner stories, which are – I won’t lie – the things I value the most about myself. Synchronically, this year the writing marathon falls on the Moon of Value.

It also showed me that I have a serious lack of discipline. More often than not, when I get my ass to sit in front of my screen, I just write, write, write. I rarely suffer from the writer’s block (not to jinx it…) I have a lot of ideas and I just love to see worlds arise and characters being born at my finger tips. What I lack is actual will power, I mean, these worlds, characters and stories live inside me, I don’t reeeeeeeeeally need to put them on paper… right? I’m very good at convincing myself that they are only valuable to myself.

My boyfriend shared with me the technique that got him to discipline himself in his meditation and pranayama practices, an you can apply it to whatever you need to do. The trick is to do it everyday, no matter what, no matter how little. It doesn’t matter if you are kicking and crying, you have to make that beast called Inertia bend the knee. You can’t give in to the weakest part of yourself, aka, my ongoing life project.

So here is this year’s plan. My objective is to write everyday at least 20 minutes.  500 words is okay, 1667 word is fantastic. (I also decided to ask my BF to change my Netflix password for the month.)

I will keep on writing last year’s story. I have worked on it since summer, sporadically. So it is well advanced and I know where I am going with the outline. I have developed a really cool technique that works for me to write chapters:

  1. Find out what this chapter is about and the direction that it is going in, for the general story.
  2. First scene is presenting the “problem”, middle scene is working through the resistances, last scene is how you resolve the problem or a path towards the solution, or towards a bigger problem… lol.
  3. In each scene, I write what I want to happen by the end of it. I bullet point every action that should happen. Then, I bullet point every key sentences or elements.
  4. I write following the outline. But then the miracle of writing happens and I get the coolest ideas, details and side story appear out of thin air.
  5. I got a chapter and about a thousand millions of questions for the next one.

No bad uh? But then again, you do whatever you have to do in order to write, hypnotize yourself with music, drink wine, cry uncontrollably, stop going to work, reward yourself with poutine until you pop, but just write.

In our modern life, we have the choice. We take time for granted. We have so many ways to drive us away from our boredom and our meaninglessness that we see things like “writing a book” as hard. We should consider it a privilege, a way towards self-discovery, towards touching our REAL limitations and shredding down the one we THINK we have.

Just write the damn book!

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Captain’s Log: A Thief !

 

Funko Pop Loki statuette

A couple of weeks ago, Loki had become active in my dream life again. I hadn’t seen of him for almost one year, so yeah, this was a huge deal. He was as affectionate and loving, but something was clearly bothering him. He seemed busy and on the lookout, except being directly asked to put up a crazy picture of him, we didn’t have a clear conversation… But things got interesting real fast!

I’ve bought a statuette of Marvel Loki about 3 years ago and put it on my desk at the office. I have grown quite fond of it… But! Uh uhh!

Yesterday someone stole the statuette from my (closed-door) office! For them, it might be just a depiction of everyone’s favorite Marvel bad guy (there’s a movie coming up after all) but for ME, the energy I’ve put every day for 3 years, every day, was about my personal connection and experiences with Loki the Norse God. Every day, I’d look at him, kiss my finger and put it between the horns of his helmet, as a way to honor Loki’s presence in my life. Living with Loki in my heart I’ve learn quite a lot about the role of the Initiator. How important the moment of chaos and destruction is to the renewal of the great cycle of Life. Loki will always have a very dear place in my life.

Also noteworthy, in this year without direct contact, I have learned a thing or two about about detachment and faith, all thanks to my dreaming teachers and the community of dreamers. Before, something like this, having my statuette stolen from me, would have sent me in deep emotions, anger and sadness and made me curse the miscreant that dare steal my idol! But no, I wonder about the story, the lesson, behind this.

As we all know by now, Loki is the Norse God of Mischief and Chaos; so when he sees potential he strikes. I wonder what when through the head of the person who entered my office and told themselves : “Why not?” looking at an energy-charged depiction of the Trickster God.

I can’t help but to feel sorry for that person who decided to take on Loki! Did they needed to learn a lesson about chaos?  Their life will be no doubt thrown upside down. It kinda saddens me that they won’t be conscious of it, but I’m speaking from attachment. Maybe that’s what they need.

And what about me? What do I need to learn from this theft? Why does after 3 years at the same spot, 2 weeks after him dropping by, the statuette is stolen? Maybe I don’t need a statuette to remind me of the lessons of the Trickster God. It certainly seems so. There’s something bigger than me, bigger than Loki, that has its hand in this story, and I can’t wait to find out!

The Medicine Wheel: Dreaming the clans

It’s been a while that I wanted to write about the Medicine Wheel. I have done a series of texts on my experiences and perspectives with the East, South, West and North anchors, a few years ago, so in the spirit of continuity, I will explore the clans! In the tradition I am learning, seven clans lay on the Medicine Wheel (Starting from the North-East):

  • The Father Clan (Angel)
  • The Mother Clan (Earth)
  • The Grand Mother Clan (Moon)
  • The Turtle Clan (Storyteller)
  • The Frog Clan (!! can’t remember)
  • The Thunder Being Clan
  • The Butterfly Clan

Clans speak of archetypes to which your soul resembles the most. Picture a Teepee, in which a fire is burning. Around the fire are seven figures, where do you stand?

bonfire

***

angelThe first is a tall androgynous creature with wings on his shoulder and a stoic face. He speak in a grave manner, poking at the fire with his stick. He seems to be talking directly at you, explaining, leading. He has been there before and knows what and how it should be done. He was with granted insights and given the terrible responsibilities of caring for the others, which is why you can call him Angel Clan.

fairiesRight next to him is a fairy like creature – in fact, you are not sure if they are more than one person there. Their hands are dirty or wet or dry or burnt from cradling the Earth and Water and Air and Fire alike. They are laughing or crying, you are not sure, but you know they are dancing in that glowing light in a shape of a mother with open arms. She has been blessed with a sensible soul and thin skin that let her hear the beat of the planet, which is why you call her Earth Clan.

oracleThe third figure bears a strange smile. Even though she keeps very still, every time you look to her, she has changed. It looks like she is conversing, sometimes with Spirit sometimes with herself. From her you hear faint laughter or words riddled with strangeness that echoes within one part of your soul. She is ever changing but always present, with one foot in the real and one in the mystery, which is why you call her the Moon Clan.

turtleislandNext to her is sitting a woman who vibrate very slowly. Her eyes are closed and she listen to the sounds of stories. Her skin is riddled with words, it looks like they are slowly flowing in her wrinkles like rivers in their bed. When she open her mouth she speaks like the ancestors, as if she observed them for a thousand years. She has received the gifts of observation, respect of traditions and a quick tongue, which is why you call her the Storyteller Clan.

frogTo her left is a strong and vibrant young man with a quick eye. His joyous demeanour hides the fact that every angles of the environment has been scrumptiously studied to give him an edge, an advantage over you. You see in his eye everything he had overcome to be sitting here and that even in his stillness he looks ready to jump out at any moment.

 

The-Gargoyle-in-the-Rain--102166Next to him is a tall and wide creature, his skin is dark, as if made of stone. He study the circle with a critical eye. His voice is deep like a distant rumbling and  a foggy mist creeps around the room. In the split second you gaze off him, he has already summon enough energy to burn you to a crisp. Then, you hear his laughter as clear as the gentle rain.

 

shm-5078a7300a677-mockwht_blkThe last creature to complete the circle hovers above ground and flickers on himself. He looks at the figures around the fire and mimics them. With every gaze he touches the deep thoughtfulness, the breath of exaltation, the mysterious, the anchored wisdom, the mindful walk and the rumbling propulsion… and when it is over his wings suddenly stop flapping. He shed away that part of him and see everyone – including himself – anew.

***

Being in one clan does not mean that you are not experiencing the full array of archetypes. It only means that one of them represents the “family of your soul”.  For instance, I believe that I am from the Grand Mother Clan, but it is only after 3, 5 years of intense pondering and soul searching that I came to this conclusion, lol! I thought that maybe I was a Butterfly or – god preserve- a Thunder being!

Truth is that I share much affinities with Thunder beings. At first I was appalled by them, but I understand it was my very own aptitude to snap under a second that I disliked about myself. I was judging the clan based on my own programming. I’ve made my peace with my tendency towards anger and now I can appreciate it as the wisdom of the Thunder being clan: PROPULSION. In general, being angry does not hurt or shame me anymore, it brings me closer to resolution. It is but one mystery of how my inner mechanisms work. I’m glad I have learned a lesson from the TBC, it helps me explore the many – many – fragments of my soul.

 

Interested in learning more about the Medicine Wheel?  Please visit http://www.idreamer.ca

A Birthday Gift from the Dream

Yesterday night, I dreamed of a Bull attacking me at my workplace. This morning there was a weird event at work regarding my office.

Then, I came across of a karate master, Mas Oyama, Father of the Kyukoshin Karate style. (Karate : “Empty Hand”, Kyokushin: “The Search for the Ultimate Truth”).

He is coincidently known as the BULL KILLER, because he literally killed 3 bull, empty handedly. His goal when he threw a punch was to break the ribs, and if it was blocked, to break the arm.

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Masutatsu Oyama

Just wanted to put it out there. Happy Birthday to me.

Captain’s Log: About Relationships and the Lotus Effect

 

This girl is like the Lotus Flower, cleaning the dirty water around her. Cherish her. She will make you a family. “– Boys over Flowers

Embrace messages from TV, lol!

Story

This Korean Drama that I’ve been watching for a few weeks has been a 25-episode long metaphor about the Lotus Medicine! It is a silly, cheesy, over dramatic teen drama full of angst, terrible plot holes and fan service scene. In a nutshell: every relationship ever. Geum JanDi, the main character, wins a scholarship for a school for the super-rich families of Korea. She is immediately being pushed around by everyone in her environment, it goes from simple name-calling, attempt murder, attack on her family’s business and finally her house being destroyed by the “Old Witch”, the mother of a super-rich guy who’s in love with her. Now, why is that relevant? Hmm?

Geum jandiYes, the teachings of the Lotus would have been completely lost under these huge avalanche of clichés and Asian TV Tropes, if it hadn’t been for a guide poking me in the right direction. Gomabseubnida! Pighting!

Geum JanDi always powers through it, washing away all the mud that is thrown her way by the Old Witch. Through adversity, she stays, strong clean and dignified.

If I haven’t said it once I haven’t said it a thousand times: my environment is one of the most important thing for me. Ever since I’ve been living in my own “space” (read here: not at my parent’s), I became very tidy and clean, and it did me really good. Like the Turkish saying: Clean Hands, Clean Heart. I treat my environment as one of my vital organ. If it is great, I feel great. It took an even greater meaning in the last years, since I started observing everything happening around me in a circular way in order to understand Indigenous Dreaming and to learn how to live in its trail. That’s also when I realised I was hypersensitive… to sounds, smell, touch, freaking vibrations, let alone people!

Yes, my environment encompasses other people, so it means that the relationships I have with them are closely woven into how I pick up dream symbols. Most people around have no idea that I observe them in such a way. But it is difficult for me not to speak about it, because it brings me a lot of teachings. Some of them are, to a degree, curious about it and it makes me happy to share with them. I feel like I’m creating a link with them, (or at least, with their dreamer!) between their situation and mine. Receiving stories and seeing them through and sharing medicine is how I relate to people being elements of my environment. That’s how I touch Inter-relationships, this is how I find gems in people.

But you know, some people are just not relationship material. Before I start receiving hate mail about how everyone is perfect, let me make this clear. In biology, relationships between organisms that share the same environment is defined as symbiosis. There is 3 types of relationships between organisms in the same environment, here they are:

Mutualism: Both organisms benefit from the relationship. It is a win, win situation (+/+)

Commensalism: One organism benefits from the relationship, the other receive feels no effect from the relationship (+/0)

Parasitism: One organism benefits at the expense of another organism (+/-)

I think you know where I am headed with this. People mimic these types of relationship in real life! The parasite will take the resources you have to offer and will give you things that are detrimental to you in exchange. As we are human and not bacteria, we give the benefits of the doubt, we try to communicate, to understand the parasite, but it doesn’t change the fact that the host is being drained out. Don’t get me wrong, being a parasite is not bad in itself, but being in a relationship with one is detrimental. When you offer your tidy clean environment to them is even worst, they do NOT want to leave.parasite9

Yes, I had brought filthy people in my close environment, and it has affected me in more ways than one. Every time I let them into my life, I usually know about their dirtiness and I don’t mind it, because it is their own and I feel that everyone can bring you something to the table… I realised that my attitude in relationship is a mix of curiousness, hypersensitivity and a weirdly placed compassion; I start to help and support them, in order to have them change their situations. But these kind of people, they (inevitably) end up throwing their mud at me and in my environment… So I go ahead and clean up the messes they caused. After all, I can’t wait on them to clean up after themselves…!

I know, I’m a huge fool for thinking I ever was in a position to help parasites; parasites help themselves exclusively, external “help” is not considered as such. Cleaning and transforming is a part of my true nature and I have projected it onto others. Not everyone wants to transform themselves, not everyone wants to be clean. Some people want to just be in their own filth, some people want to use things that you have to make themselves stronger… and you know what, there is nothing wrong about it. Parasitic relationships is an inherent part of natural symbiosis. And there is no “Right or Wrong” in nature. It can speak about the unavoidability of death, for instance. Parasites people ooze Thanatos, instinct of death, without being aware of it. They do not understand their role, they are not conscious of their actions. They are doing what is most comfortable, natural for them to do, which is taking, consuming, killing, finding another host.

How about the law of attraction, you say? If you attract filth, you must be filth, right?

It took me almost a full year to understand that I was experiencing the laws of nature and not of the law of attraction. No, I am not attracting dirty because I am dirty; I just had to understand something very specific about “surviving” relationships and how I was working as a medicine person. The experience I had with those disgusting people made me embrace the medicine of the Lotus Flower. I see you rolling your eyes! So New-Age, right? Everything is “New-Age” when it is use without being anchored, or if it doesn’t bear meaning. So there:

I paddle against trash, gunk and dead bodies being eating away by fishes and birds… at the center lays a beautiful blue Flower. A child sitting on it blooming core, emitting silver light.

Medicine

The lotus flower, despite growing in muddy, filthy water remains spotless. The petals and leaves’ surface is rough and coated with wax. With not a lot of surface contact, dirt stays at the points of those rough bumps and the wax, a naturally water-repellent substance, makes the water slide across the surface, thus cleaning dirt on its way off. This phenomenon is called superhydrophobicity, or more poetically the Lotus Effect. It allows the plant to be clean and free of bacteria, even in the most disgusting of environment. The Lotus doesn’t allow any dirt to stay on it.

The Lotus is telling me that I must instill cleanliness in my relationships: the Lotus cleans itself of parasites, bacteria and dirt. I shall become a rough, waxy, mystical Flower and instead of trying to balance other people, taking on their dirt. I have to let it slide right back where it comes from. Your environment is full of parasites and there is nothing you can do about it? Brush it off, and see how long they will last. They will find another person really fast since they cannot survive on their own.

For years, when I could not shake the dirt; I changed environment completely. But the lotus grows and stands despite the dirt in its environment, it transforms itself what is directly around it. Now that I understand that my environment and relationships are but one big symbiotic system, I know that even if I change my environment without cleaning my relationships, the draining will remains. But with this exploration, I feel those parasites will be easier to identify and to remove. They will flow back directly into the water and of course, find another body to feed off, since they cannot survive on their own. Vampire is as vampire does. They will be feeding and killing, because that is their nature… so might as well let them do their things, but I will not tolerate them any longer in my space. At this point it becomes an exercise in discernment and detachment.

Good thing that my family name means wax…! 😉

Blue Lotus Flower wallpaper 14.jpg

 

Captain’s log: The Path of Lies

Mentir est le talent de ceux qui n’en ont pas. – Épître sur la Calomnie, Marie-Josèphe de Chénier

Free translation : “Lying is talentless person’s talent

fox hare
Hare and Fox by Jackie Morris
Observation
LIES are complex. They are first of all a mean, like money, medicinal herb, to get you somewhere. Lying encompasses the ideas of manipulation, deceit (even temporary), power and control… and to a certain extent, victimhood.

It starts in the EAST of the Medicine Wheel because it has to do with the perception of the liar in the eyes of others. Lies are a way to manipulate others, appealing to either their logic or their emotions (depending on the individual weakness/strong-point), in order to make them believe something that is untrue.

  • There are basically two kinds of liesOmission and Commission. In the first, you omit certain details, in the other you fabricate details (half-truths) or the whole thing.
  • There are 3 types of intent for each types of liesWhite lies (beneficial lies to others) Grey lies (ranging from beneficial to the liar to ill-intend towards others) Black lies (malicious lies detrimental to others).* From the book On being a Shit by Dr. Jane F. Gilgun.

Lies have different intents but are always targeted to shape the emotional response of an audience, it all depends on how you want them to react.

Need some more images? Let’s craft an example…

A co-worker wants to take Friday off to attend a 3-days event in a faraway town. She has no vacation days left and your team is working on a time sensitive project and is overloaded. There is no way she will be given a special day off without a good reason. In order to get what she wants, she uses a situation that got her off work before: she said that the judge wanted to meet her and her ex-husband again for a final, final meeting. Not only she can skip work on Friday, she receive emotional support and validation from her boss and help from you because you will now take care of her part of the time-sensitive work. She leaves confidently and enjoy the event. This is a GREY COMMISSION LIE.

Now, let’s say you have suspicion about the divorce story, because as a court-divorcee, you know that all judgements are final and when a payment has been made, there is no matter to be discussed face to face anymore. You see on Facebook that she is spend the week-end in a faraway town, then you connect the dots, you tell your boss and the rest of your team. Come Monday, the lying co-worker explains in great details how she might be able to squeeze more money out of her ex-husband and fail to mention the event. Everyone knows she is lying to you but they all answer something along the lines of “This is great” because they desperately need help and are ready to brush aside the truth. This is a GREY OMISSION LIE.

And this is the Path of Lies. Lies cause lies.

Medicine

I encountered two stories of PATH OF LIES, let’s start with PINOCCHIO’S PATH.

pinocchio.jpg

Pinocchio is a wooden puppet that was given life by the magical Blue Fairy who heard the wish of the pure-hearted Carpenter Geppetto. As he is exploring life without strings to become a real boy, the ambitious little creature starts to tell lies and get himself and the people around him in trouble. His nose grew each times he lied; a picturesque way to explain not to tell lies because they can become bigger and bigger, becoming a burden for you and hinder your movement and path. There is of course a much more spiritual approach to it. It is about the exploration of FREE WILL, in the masonic sense. Before becoming a real boy, Pinocchio have to detach himself from his ego, not without exploring every possible shortcuts.

Make you think of something? There is complete article on the metaphysical take on Pinocchio’s adventure that you can find here.

Now, the dreaming works in a circular way. My exploration of lying lead me to the story of Pinocchio, which led me to the story of Betty May and her violent encounter with Aleister Crowley (which incidentally wrote the Book of Lies, which is also falsely called BREAKS: the Wanderings or Falsification of the One Thought of Frater Perdurabo, which Thought is Itself Untrue).

Story

01wildtigerbetty
Betty May

Betty May was issued from the lowest of the low class citizens in London of this early 20th century. She experienced a harsh life, drug addiction, prostitution, gang lifestyle, violence… She married a really close friend of Aleister Crowley, and took part in a variety of magick ritual. She wrote a book (of lies, ah!) in which she explained in great details her life in Crowley’s abbaye.

The main story was about the death of her husband. Allegedly, Crowley asked him to behead a cat and drinking his blood. The story goes that he died two days after this ritual. She would have went to Crowley, crazy with rage armed with a gun with the intention to kill him, and fired on him two times; one time she missed and the second time the gun blocked. May sold this story for a relatively low sum of money. She was then dragged to court for defamation, and it was found out that her husband died from complications after having drank dirty water directly from a stream. Crowley craftily answered to this cat story: “There was no cat, no animal, no blood, no drinking”. What was there, hmm? (Lie by omission, perhaps? Will never know, DUN DUN DUN.)

Now, killing a sick cat for a ritual, it could happen… It is a convincing story when you are trying to manipulate popular opinion against a notoriously hated man. At the same time, you are get emotional support from the masses AND you have an excuse for your murderous fit of rage of losing your sickly husband. Hey, everything works. Except this is not true. This is a combination ofGREY and BLACK COMMISSION LIES.

Pathological liars need support to justify a situation in which they found themselves vulnerable… They market their images to justify or cover-up their flaws. Betty May described herself as a “wild woman” (to my exasperation a Tiger Woman) to excuse her pathological need for violence, control and, why let say it, her own version of Free Will. The scary part is that she seemed to believe her in her own lies, in her status of victim. She also disappeared quietly into the world when the heat was on her. How can she call herself wild woman? Huh? Is that what wild woman do? Making money and fame on someone’s back?

CONCLUSION  (or opinion?)

We come across all kind of lies, daily. Ranging from a simple “I feel fine today” to a complex lie about their mother being in a coma to be able to receive some comfort for a totally unrelated reason… But lies starts by not being able to stand in truth.

My own experience with liars and lying drives me to believe that lying is a tool that is often misused and that came take over a whole life, then it becomes a program that define one’s actions and if that person is not able, or not willing, to stand in truth about the reason behind their habit of lying, it becomes an inherent trait of character. And this my friends, is where leads the pathof lies. You’ve become, and shall forever stay, a little shit.goodbye you little shit.jpg

Yours truly,

 

Coyote Impertinent