I stumbled onto this quote and I believe it sums up nicely what I really tried to explain about the dynamic between Nauthiz (destiny) and Perthro (fate) in a very disarticulated manner in one of my previous article.
“Through the law of cause and effect we choose our destiny. Moreover, we are our own prophets for we constantly project our future state by the seeds we plant in the present.” – Cheryl Canfield
And for no reason, here is a picture of a cat named Marcel.
Let me be extra clear, I’M NOT PREGNANT (Verdhandi), never was (Urdhr) and I do not plan to be (Skuld) in the near or distant future. The theme was just really present during my exploration of Perthro. So from here on out on this post, when I write the words: “I’m pregnant” I AM NOT. Never was. I can’t stress that enough.
So, what I learned about Perthro was mostly about living paradoxical states, living many realities at once. A bit like actions in the dream have their own consequences and possible outcomes; everything could be and has already happened. Everything has yet to exist. It speaks of the Norns, keepers of the fate, Urdhr (what was) Verdhandi (what is) and Skuld (what should be). But don’t quote me on that, quote this woman.
Aside from the obvious game of chance that the form of rune represents (lot-cup), it suggests the moment where an action can create two outcomes (or more! But let’s keep it basic). For a period of time, both are possible, both are real. What’s written or unwritten at this point doesn’t matter. In this place where “fate” and not “destiny” is at play.
What was the most impressive about my exploration of Perthro was the intensity of the initiation and the definitive realness of the outcomes. I lived the “what could be”. For a while there, I was pregnant and I was not.
I pictured myself as dutiful mother, bringing little Zachary (yes, the kid’s got a name, deal with it.), from daycare to karate, then from school to piano lessons, then to his grand-parents up North, to his grand-parents in another country… then at one point he’d refuse the food I cooked for him every fucking night, just because he’s got a mind of his own and his own will. Then he decided that karate and piano lessons are lame, and everything he wants to do is spend his life on Facebook and on Tumblr while I work my ass off to get him through college then university, and then he forgets to call me at my birthday, then at Christmas, then he puts me in a home then I become old and bitter. The only thing keeping me alive is the pale recognition of what could have been if I didn’t got pregnant in 2015: I would have become a shady author that wrote impossible to relate-to books, that would have die forgotten at 82 in my soil diaper and eventually got eaten by my dog Miko, the fifth. One or the other. (No, no balance for this story. Deal with it.)
So, what is the difference between fate (Perthro) and destiny (Nauthiz)? I feel fate is not something that is written, without a defined form, like a set of forces that will be happening regardless of what you chose to do… like the wind. The invisible push and pull of something greater than you. That “irresistible force” that drives you.
For example, if your life was a book, Nauthiz would be behind the plan and Perthro would the irresistible force that makes you start your journey. Or one could argue that it is the author that is unable to fill the holes in his plot… you know? An irresistible force pushed her to open the door TO HER FATE! Well, thank god that we are not in a novel and that the rules that are upon us are much more shape-able and mysterious. Perthro do not need a reason to exist, doesn’t need any justifications.
“Me and you and you and me. No matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be.”
What was that? You’re asking me why I’m quoting irrelevant 70s songs? GFYS, it explain perfectly the cause and effect of Perthro and Nauthiz. No matter what you are and what you have, what your luck is and what you end up doing, you get to where you need to be. (Which in the pregnancy stories, is being disappointed and killed by the thing I love… hum. I definitively need to work on a more positive outlook on life.)
This article incredibly difficult to write. This rune will require another good exploration, because I feel there is a lot I didn’t get to explore… oh wait. Isn’t it exactly the concept I’m trying to explain since the beginning? Ugh.
My exploration with Eihwaz (Hey-waz, Yew tree) took much less time and much less heartaches than Nauthiz, the last rune I studied. So there’s that.
Fundamentally spiritual, Eihwaz bears the concepts of center and balance on the path you have chosen. It is the middle rune of the ancient Futhark, and its shape makes me think of the mirroring effect. Two hooks, in the upper and lower worlds, the pivoting point of the Universe. A tree; the roots, deeply anchored in the ground and (yes, my friend) the branches grounded upward.
It makes me think of the notion of hollow bones in shamanism, where the shaman let the energy of both worlds flow through him of her. Picture every material things, concepts, relationships, cosmological influences, dreams, bodies, animals, philosophies, Gods… anything that exists, really, as spinning circles, every sizes, and every speed: an unstable field of chaos , upward, downward, on your left, your right… as far as the eyes can see. More or less blind, we joyfully jump both feet into it, and without realizing it, our emotions, our thoughts, our reactions to the environment is greatly influenced by this intricate set of spinning wheels. And they spin in every directions, if you are not aware of it you might get caught in circles that aren’t yours. You need to be aware of this concept to be able to stand your own ground.
The shaman is the link that lives in stillness, never getting caught in one or the other circles. Energy flows through their hollow bones, connecting and balancing the different circles that they encounters. Masters of detachment. Teach me, sensei.
I think this is pretty normal that I am exploring Eihwaz as I am experimenting the mystery of balance. It is a question of being able to be inside and outside your own self, without emphasizing on one or the other world. In balance, you simply are. You’re aware of both “worlds”, the spiritual and physical, up and down, the inside and the outside.
The external elements should be influencing your inner world, but only up to a point. For example: you met the partner of your dream but instead of accepting it for what it is, you choke your feelings entirely. The external element uproot yourself, and you are caught it an inner circle. OR. You get a cute lover and you start losing yourself and your path entirely in the process. The external element shrinks your branches and you are caught in an outer circle.
I believe it is the same with internal wheels. Let’s say you find your spiritual path and you are so obsessed with it that you give little to no importance to any other aspects of life (say, WORKING TO PAY YOUR BILLS). You are pull upward, you are not grounded, therefore caught in an “upper” world (or what I like to call #upperworldproblems). OR. You try to find your spiritual path but your western education and way of living is telling you that spirituality is in no way as important as paying your bills (and then you remains unhappy for the rest of your life, but its ok because you have Netflix and a house on the fucken suburb). Your sadness is the manifestation of being caught in a lower world circle. Not that you care.
(Oh and just like that, I realised I spoke of the black and red road on the medicine wheel, not bad Dr. Impertinent)
There is only you that give a sense of realness to you what you experience. You are the tool that balances the spinning wheels from the upper and lower worlds. The point it’s not let yourself be caught in either. If you are, it’s probably because you need to learn something, you are learning to recognize that something needs balancing. Each circles that interconnect through you must nourish one another and yourself. When you have nothing obstructing your inside, when you are in stillness that is when you realised the beauty and wonders of this messy chaos that is called consciousness.
During the month of work I did with NAUTHIZ (No-thiz; need-fire), I realise that the core of this rune lays in recognizing the difference between NEEDS and DESIRES and IDEAL and DESTINY. So for me, this exploration was about getting my ass out of my head and deciphering my desires from my needs and my ideal from my destiny (yeah, just that).
The overall meaning of the rune would be:
Recognition and protection of personal needs;
Recognition of unfulfilled needs;
Feeling of urgency;
Work you need to do to get to where you need to be…
and more! (lol, go fuck yourself, I’m writing this article from the top of my head.)
It is easy to confuse the concepts of desires and needs in our day and age. We get virtually everything we want, our “needs” are fulfilled instantaneously. Like on a phone game, we get rewarded every time we complete a level. Our brain is like, yay! I did some thing a little difficult (or I paid for it) and then I get candies! I shall get candies every time I accomplish something new! That must mean I actually accomplished something good.
We are just actually addicted to rewards. You don’t want to finish a level, your brain is looking for its dopamine rush. What does it tells us about the world we live in? How come we had to create a system of psychological addiction in order to feel accomplished or feel good about ourselves? Applied to the real world, most of the time you’ll get no rewards, no encouragements, no taps on the back for fulfilling your needs. The only thing you should be looking for is the appreciation of your own efforts. Believe me, it totally sucks, but the appreciation has to come from within. Nobody is going to give you a trophy to be able to take care of yourself.
And it got me thinking about my own attitude towards my NEEDS. I realised I got a lot of desires and that fulfilling them took most of my time! Often to the detriment of my needs. I’m looking for external approbation A LOT. What for, exactly? I asked myself:
What are my NEEDS?
Are there some of them I am not tending to?
What are the desires and am I putting before my needs?
What is so compelling in satisfying my desires instead of my needs?
[You wont get the answers cause, sadly I’m not really thorough in my introspection when it comes to squishy emotions. The personal story in upcoming article. ]
I realise that the main difference between my desires and my needs is a question of social behaviour and years of intricate programming. Obviously, I need to nourish my body, heart and my soul, and it’s not like I was lacking anything according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (which I profoundly hate). Granted, I might be a little anaemic in certain stratum, but hell, my structure is not THAT BAD. So instead of working to get to strengthen myself and cultivate in depth, I try to get everything within my reach, regardless of what it might bring me may it be important and nourishing or a load of effervescent bullshit-concepts aligned together. (Much like this article.) (Hey! shut up!)
Then that would leave the small question of DESTINY, Dr. Impertinent?
Ah I thought you might ask that.
We set goals within the paradigm of our persona that is dictated by what we HAVE, the fruit of our desires. And today, here in White Country, what we should want, what we should be doing, everything is already set up and pretty much attainable. Easy, cheap and clean. I’m not going to bore you with the traditional example of getting a job, getting a girl, getting prego, getting a house with a white fence, because that would be to simplistic and uni-dimensional. I truly believe that this path is a viable one. After all, who am I to say that contributing to society, demographic and economic growth as well of falling in love is not a viable DESTINY? That everyone that ever lived it were dead wrong? Lol, what kind of blind fool would I be?
In fact, this became clear to me as I was exchanging ideas with a friend about the Luciferian philosophy. When God created the intelligence, the light bearer appeared and declared that he wouldn’t be Servitude, he would be Freedom! `*I’m well aware that I need a source here, shut up. Not to be a pain the arse of Lucifer-san, but to me, it’s only logical that if one choose the path of Servitude, the right hand path, like Jesus, Martyrs and the Saints, they are in fact choosing pursue their destiny, therefore their own version of Freedom. It’s not something that you can compare, there is no structure or rules to follow or standard goals to reach, in my humble pseudo-theological opinion. Oh dear. I got a little off course here.
But not everyone has a destiny that fits into this ideal. To me destiny is something obscure and small that will grow and become inevitable as soon as you start to listen and tend to you needs. From what I gathered from my exploration of Nauthiz, this the first step to discover your destiny. Once you cut the bullshit, the illusions, the addiction and you redirect your attention and care to yourself… you might just be on your way to understand your destiny.
There is no one to lift you up, on this kind of path, there is no one above you to tell you you’re doing great (not true, there are some lonely stars, but the support goes to a certain extent). Beware of external motivations! If you need to be rewarded to walk, could it be that you are not pursuing your destiny, but an ideal instead?
(You can’t always get what you want but if you try sometime, you just might find that you get what you need.)