Captain’s log : Sacredness

What are you hunting for?

I’m hunting for EFFICENCY and STRENGHT. 

But you already have that. What are you hunting for?

I AM HUNTING FOR SACREDNESS. Efficiency and Strenght are tools I have to hunt for sacredness.  

-Conversation in Limbo

(Attention, rant below!)


What is it you perceive when you hear the word “sacredness”?

I often use the term “walk in sacredness” (and assume that everyone understands what I mean). Sacredness is not something you can achieve. It is not the communication with the divin or any type of gnosis. It is much more elusive, less charged than anything the notion of “Sacredness” can evoke. It is quite simple, really.

One of my teacher once said: “Sacredness is when you slide your finger on your drum.”

… you had to be there.

Yes! Being there is one of the crucial component of sacredness, being present, not forcing yourself to be present. Maybe it starts in silence, or the realization of silence. No wait, that is wrong: The way you tap in sacredness can start by silence, as sacredness is always there.

There is always a sacred way to walk.  The Medicine Wheel (tool) and Indigenous Dreaming (experience) can show you the full array of possibilities. You have to be attuned to your own role and medicine.

From what I gathered, to walk in sacredness is to it is to follow the underlying principle of nature. (pfff only this).You can have all the knowledge in the world, friend, you can be wise as fuck or be attuned to yours and other people’s feelings. You can be so very creative and wellspoken. I doesn’t matter to sacredness.

For example, one woman was taught the sacred way of the medicine wheel but then decided it was not her path and moved away from it. She continued on living by what she liked from the teachings of the wheel and taught them to other people. 

This, doesn’t matter with how scrupulous respect she shared to others teachings she received, this is not teachings a Sacred Way: this is plain copy-pasting of knowledge for insatiable westerners who needs instant gratification, to feel admire and to control every perspectives of the teaching. You cannot teach or live in a sacred manner if you are not walking your talk.

I mean, did you think that you could learn shamanism in books or on your own, without ever being challenged or broken in your illusions and at the same time as living in crazy mundane westerner settings, ALWAYS walking on the sacred path of the ancestors?

Go headed and say your bits because it sounds good and gives you a sense of moral authority and value over your peers, you can go right ahead sell you junk labelled “sacred tools” at fairs for other westerners to enjoy, but goddamn it, stay away from teachings and leading fucking circles, LOL!

Wow, I didn’t know I was that pissed off! Did I acted in the role of the defending warrior or was my moon of value triggered? WE’LL NEVER KNOW. Anyway.

Someday I wish that someday I can be a teacher myself, but I see that I am ages away from it. Even after 4 years of working on knowing myself and my medicine as well as try understand the maps the ancestors have worked on for millenniums, I only can catch glimpses of sacredness, and live it momentarily. Whenever I follow pointers from the dreaming or of nature, I get all excited like a child holding a butterfly. Then it is already gone!

For all I know it might be just the nature of the relationship between incarnated beings and nature.

To be continued.

Like a child, holding a butterfly!



The Medicine Wheel: Dreaming the clans

It’s been a while that I wanted to write about the Medicine Wheel. I have done a series of texts on my experiences and perspectives with the East, South, West and North anchors, a few years ago, so in the spirit of continuity, I will explore the clans! In the tradition I am learning, seven clans lay on the Medicine Wheel (Starting from the North-East):

  • The Father Clan (Angel)
  • The Mother Clan (Earth)
  • The Grand Mother Clan (Moon)
  • The Turtle Clan (Storyteller)
  • The Frog Clan (!! can’t remember)
  • The Thunder Being Clan
  • The Butterfly Clan

Clans speak of archetypes to which your soul resembles the most. Picture a Teepee, in which a fire is burning. Around the fire are seven figures, where do you stand?



angelThe first is a tall androgynous creature with wings on his shoulder and a stoic face. He speak in a grave manner, poking at the fire with his stick. He seems to be talking directly at you, explaining, leading. He has been there before and knows what and how it should be done. He was with granted insights and given the terrible responsibilities of caring for the others, which is why you can call him Angel Clan.

fairiesRight next to him is a fairy like creature – in fact, you are not sure if they are more than one person there. Their hands are dirty or wet or dry or burnt from cradling the Earth and Water and Air and Fire alike. They are laughing or crying, you are not sure, but you know they are dancing in that glowing light in a shape of a mother with open arms. She has been blessed with a sensible soul and thin skin that let her hear the beat of the planet, which is why you call her Earth Clan.

oracleThe third figure bears a strange smile. Even though she keeps very still, every time you look to her, she has changed. It looks like she is conversing, sometimes with Spirit sometimes with herself. From her you hear faint laughter or words riddled with strangeness that echoes within one part of your soul. She is ever changing but always present, with one foot in the real and one in the mystery, which is why you call her the Moon Clan.

turtleislandNext to her is sitting a woman who vibrate very slowly. Her eyes are closed and she listen to the sounds of stories. Her skin is riddled with words, it looks like they are slowly flowing in her wrinkles like rivers in their bed. When she open her mouth she speaks like the ancestors, as if she observed them for a thousand years. She has received the gifts of observation, respect of traditions and a quick tongue, which is why you call her the Storyteller Clan.

frogTo her left is a strong and vibrant young man with a quick eye. His joyous demeanour hides the fact that every angles of the environment has been scrumptiously studied to give him an edge, an advantage over you. You see in his eye everything he had overcome to be sitting here and that even in his stillness he looks ready to jump out at any moment.


The-Gargoyle-in-the-Rain--102166Next to him is a tall and wide creature, his skin is dark, as if made of stone. He study the circle with a critical eye. His voice is deep like a distant rumbling and  a foggy mist creeps around the room. In the split second you gaze off him, he has already summon enough energy to burn you to a crisp. Then, you hear his laughter as clear as the gentle rain.


shm-5078a7300a677-mockwht_blkThe last creature to complete the circle hovers above ground and flickers on himself. He looks at the figures around the fire and mimics them. With every gaze he touches the deep thoughtfulness, the breath of exaltation, the mysterious, the anchored wisdom, the mindful walk and the rumbling propulsion… and when it is over his wings suddenly stop flapping. He shed away that part of him and see everyone – including himself – anew.


Being in one clan does not mean that you are not experiencing the full array of archetypes. It only means that one of them represents the “family of your soul”.  For instance, I believe that I am from the Grand Mother Clan, but it is only after 3, 5 years of intense pondering and soul searching that I came to this conclusion, lol! I thought that maybe I was a Butterfly or – god preserve- a Thunder being!

Truth is that I share much affinities with Thunder beings. At first I was appalled by them, but I understand it was my very own aptitude to snap under a second that I disliked about myself. I was judging the clan based on my own programming. I’ve made my peace with my tendency towards anger and now I can appreciate it as the wisdom of the Thunder being clan: PROPULSION. In general, being angry does not hurt or shame me anymore, it brings me closer to resolution. It is but one mystery of how my inner mechanisms work. I’m glad I have learned a lesson from the TBC, it helps me explore the many – many – fragments of my soul.


Interested in learning more about the Medicine Wheel?  Please visit

Captain’s log: Medecine Wheel and Tarot

I had an improbable series of bad lucks and highly unpleasant situations happening to me during the last month. It’s not more than I can bare, but still, I was compelled to build a wheel to reflect on the situation, to pull myself together and understand the overall patterns at play in this situation. Where was I doing something wrong? What was I at fault and where was I being wronged? Why was this happening all of a sudden?

It took some time to realise that, even thought twist of fate can happen on occasions, I am responsible for the situations that are occurring in my life. The fault might be mine, might be someone else’s, might be the goddamn Universe ruling against me. But it doesn’t really matter. I can’t just let things happen to me, feeling sorry for myself and looking to blame others or some cosmological events. Regardless of who’s to blame, I’m being challenged and I shall face it.

I’m recently back from Toronto, where I acquired the Thoth Tarot deck by Aleister Crowley. I had a dream about Tarot some nights prior to the trip. I went to my local game store and they didn’t sell it (surprised?). It made sense that I get it in Toronto, since I was going there with a huge tarot nerd *wink wink*. He helped me grasps the basic concept of this deck.

Instead of reacting to situations, instead of holding grudges, instead of wasting my resources, I shall take moments to reflect and plan and shall choose wisely with whom I share my life, what situations I want to create and how I spend my energy. A question of silence and balance. Always go back to basis before integrating teachings.

Since I’m very new to Tarot, I decided to mix it up with the medicine wheel, a tool that I understand relatively well. I ask the tarot to point out the allies regarding each directions. I was amazed by the result, I drew only major Arcana *except a weird coincidence… see below*. Each of the trumps were directly linked with the general meaning of the directions. Here is my results and my thoughts. Keep in mind that even though I had help from my sexy personal tarot teacher, I’m but a neophyte when it comes to reading and I tend to stick very close to the meaning of the card…! I’ll try to tap into my intuition… not easy as it seems when it comes to new power tools!

East : The Lovers


The East represents the beginning, the child, the perceptions and the emotional realm. It is what you show to the world. I was happy to draw the Lovers card, even though its profound meaning still eludes me.

The Lovers card represents the marriage of duality and the alchemical process that will be explored later in the Art Arcana. The Lovers card expresses love, union of duality, mysteries of the universe and the principle of creation through alchemy and therefore could represent pregnancy. On the card you can see the marriage of the black and the white, feminine and masculine, witnessed by a black and a white child with a red lion and a white eagle standing guard.

Even though I’m sure there is a greater meaning to the card itself, I believe this is a card represents the Gemini, my zodiac sign. I am more than pleased to be “showing the world” the mercurial being that is Gemini and that I embody so well. Although the Lovers card can refers to love and emotional fulfilment, a deeper meaning would be  the start of a definite phase of unification and transformation.

And, boy am I glad.

South : The Chariot


The South represents the afternoon sun, the young adult, power and the physical realm.

There was no question between the relationship of the Chariot card and the South of the MW. The symbol of the chariot itself (4 wheels) refers to the South. It is the drive that makes you move forward. It expresses the ideas of boldness, of the human will and of one’s assertiveness.

It shows a person wearing an armour, not unlike its zodiac counter part, the cancer (it is also standing on it’s head… dah)! Like the crab, the Chariot card is related to the element of WATER. We can see the rider holding a big basin of spinning water with a red core. It would be the element of FIRE contained by WATER. So in itself the Chariot talks also about emotions fuled by desire that are contained inside an armour. Such a combination can get very intense and can easily transform into vapour, into fuel that drives the chariot to ride furiously.

Even thought it is obvious that this card talks about POWER and MOVEMENT and is a perfect allies in the South, I will have to give it some more thoughts. It could indicate that I should never “stop” and not to give in laziness when it comes to power and work.

West : The Hierophant + Dominion (two of wands)


The West represents the older adult, the way your learn and teach, difficulties, nightfall, and the intellectual world.

I was pleased and a bit scared when I drew the Hierophant card. The idea of the Hierophant is very close to the one of the initiator and teacher. Essentially spiritual, this card is expressing illumination, development and growth. I read somewhere that the Hierophant represented a person that successfully united all aspect of duality within themselves, that is in essence male and female. We can see a ghostly blue silhouette of a woman holding the moon and armed with a sword standing before a man, a star embedded in his chest, radiating warmth with a wand in his hand. Both seems to be in link with one another, as they both stand in the six pointed star.

Ohhh a naughty minor arcana slipped right next to the Hieropant!  It make sense since the West talks about duality! The Dominion card, two of Wands, express this idea as well. The WANDS express the element of FIRE and the idea of WILL. The number two represents a duality and balance. This card means MARS in ARIES, so in its own sign (just like the Emperor… right?). A very fiery card, combat energy and dynamic!

The Hierophant card coupled with the Dominion card are telling me to reach out for opportunities of growth and spiritual exhalation and to answer challenges and difficulties with determination, fire and wilfulness.

North : The Empress 
thempressThe North represents the elder, the midnight sun, destiny and the spiritual realm.

The Empress card represents, and is ruled by, Venus. The card is related to EARTH and thus she represents the Salt in the alchemical recipe of Vitriol – along with the Magus (Mercury)  and the Emperor (Sulphur), put together through the Lovers’ union and expressed later by the Art card. In the recipe, Salt is a way to conduct both Energies : Fludity and Intelligence of Mercury and Energy and Drive of Sulphur. So in that sense, she represents “passivity” of nature.

Her arm is cradled as if to hold an invisible baby… is she pregnant? In that sense the card speaks of creation. It can also represents motherhood, unconditional love, beauty, moon-type things and abundance.

Well this card came as a surprise. I believe it is telling me that femininity, emotions and (a relative) passivity could be ways to access my destiny. I am a woman after all, am I not? It represent a woman in her own power and I believe that is exactly what I ought to be.

Northern Lights

Lots of circles are ending right now, for me and for the people around me. It can only mean one thing, I’m in the North. To me, the North is the strangest, the haziest of all the four directions, the less palpable. It might be because I have not been here often. I have left a bunch of circles open that I have yet to close.

A lot of “endings”; a series I’ve been following for 10 years has ended, one of my colleague has found a new job and left, the Verdun circle has ended, I got my licence, ending a “circle of shame” that began when I was 16… also:

My boss just announced this morning that she’s quitting after 16 years as general director. She has decided to move on from a comfortable position and to leave a team she loved dearly to assume greater responsibilities, for a better pay and a better life for her family. It’s a clean departure, it actually felt light and joyful, even though half of the over-emotional staff began to cry. You could see that she was already pass the emotional state, looking forward, she was calm and at peace. I tried to lighten the mood and told her that she was brave and that I hope she’d have fun. I believe that the staff did realise that it shouldn’t be about their pain of losing her, but about her bright future. A moment to celebrate, to highlight, to dream…

To me, the North means integration, resolution and healing. I like to believe that the North brings resolve and determination to change the patterns that hurt us in the long run. But it doesn’t come from a warm place (no pun intended). It has to do with taking a good hard look at yourself, seeing more than the immediate, sometimes to take actions, sometimes to destroy things, sometimes to just let go. Not looking for the quick fix. It means seeing yourself for who you truly are and, whether you like it or not, to accept it. To adjust your aim. That’s what healing is to me.

Being able to come to term with ourselves and make the choices required to be able to start something new, and not just the same patterns with another skin. Being able to plunge into the brand new, but with resolve.

You don’t give up. That’s not even an option.

Wild Wild West

I’ve been sitting in the West for a few weeks now. I don’t exactly feel comfortable here. Well… I don’t think it’s a place to BE comfortable to begging with. My perceptions of the West vary greatly from a second to another. It’s a place of mystery, extremely attractive and scary; a place where you know something either good or bad will be happen, like when you stick your hand in a dark barrel.

It’s the place where everything is possible, dreams or nightmares. An endless number doors opening and closing, the cracking sound of your childhood swing, the light touch of a cat paw on your face.

Every hair on my body is awaken and capture variations in the air, it shivers when a shadow pass through. My stomach is turning upside down as the ice tempest begins to rage again, against the fiery landscape of my soul. Smoke rises and washes the window of the house where I stand, in a room surrounded by doors, keys and knife in my hand. The vibration comes from every pores of me, shaking my rib cage, where demons that never were mine, are pleading to be released. Happy or sad familiar faces, they are wearing different kind of masks and hold their arms out to me. So I shut them up again; their voices try to overpower my own. My unease won’t dictate my behaviour, not this time. It is too pure here. They should know their places.

My eyes are fixated on the incredible beauty of those wild mountains, cutting through the sky like a sharp edged knife. I can see them all, the creatures of the mountain, the dancing foxes clan that named me “warrior”. Endless laughter and inviting smiles shining through darkness, guiding me to that place I have seen a million times before, the place I can return to. Where my eyes are clear and my heart is cleansed.


I understand the end. I’ll cheat her as long as I can, until she catches up with me. And then I’ll fight and then I’ll do her the honour of letting her slid lovely hand down my face to close my eyes.

But until then, I’m swaying slowly where the wind is willing to take me, until I become like rain in your hand.

My vacation in the South

That’s right, I’m finally on vacation! I’m not very much more south than my usual position, I might even be further north. But when we talk about vacations, we often think of going South, with palm trees, sandy beaches and warm weathers… And la dolce fariente!

That’s a bit ironic though, vacations in the South – talking from a Medicine Wheel point of view. For me, the South is about work. It’s about doing things, be in your power. I love the South, I think it’s the place I prefer to sit when I’m at circles.

I recently started a band with my good friend B. I always wanted to work with him, he is a musical genius, even though he hates when I say that. He says, “I do not think about what I play, I just play and miracles occur… 1 out of a 100 times!”(or more). He can’t really put words on it, he says, he just plays and knows what to do next, he knows what people want to hear.


It got me thinking. When he plays, B is in a position of power. Music is his tool, and he wields it with ease, a combinaison of endless hours of practice and raw talent. He’s working himself to fit the tool. He won’t give up, he devotes all his time to it. Impeccability. He is (or trend to be) impeccable with the energy he puts in his work. Not spreading it all over the place, on what or who ever. He aims for what he wants, and he strikes. Efficient and clean. For me, that’s the very definition of a balanced warrior. (I recently discovered that I have warrior as one of my role, maybe that’s why we get along so well, B and I.)

I manage my energy exactly the opposite way. I spread it all over the place. New passion every other week! I have mastered no tool, I have wielded them all. But in a messy way I guess! It’d be difficult for me to CHOOSE one to which I’ll dedicate my life, but I think it’s getting clearer. The idea that it is possible and that some people do it, is very appealing! At least I greatly value the idea and admire people that work with a tireless determination to be able to bend their tool of trades to their will. I wish to be more devoted to my writing, songs and novels. I wish to concentrate my energy, be able to achieve something that I love and that I am proud of.

Perceptions: East

Hello readers,

I decided to dissect my perceptions of every stones on the MW. That’s a pretty long process when you think about it (I started writing then realised I have too much to say on everything). I think in the end it will help me really figure out what is my perceptions and what truly calls me. Knowing the tendencies will help me see what I can heal and what is an integrate part of my personality.

Also, everyone reading this, whenever I talk about topics and stones that are precious to you and you think I’m not right, well, I’m sorry. The fact is that you are probably right, I write about my PERCEPTIONS and not actual facts. I hope you can forgive me if you feel I don’t give justice to your beloved one.

Let’s start with the anchors then… there are some concepts in each of them I feel highly called to, some I don’t like at all. I will try to justify my preferences, my dislikes or my feelings of indifference towards each one of them, in order to see what comes out of all this… Imbalances? Western perceptions? Denial? A true calling?

I will try to go as methodically as I can, even though it’s not really my cup of tea. I believe my complete (and grossly overpriced) western education will help me be clear and organised. Or I’ll just mimic Turtle Clan people.


I really feel comfortable in the East; I think many of us do. It’s what we show to the world and frankly if I didn’t have a fondness for the East I wouldn’t be making this a public process. I guess I value my façade a lot, how I present myself to other people; I also value the façade of others.

I remember someone told me while we were taking a corporate personality test (Isabel Meyer-Briggs): “I don’t like to be labelled and put in boxes! I think it’s reductive and that it does not truly reflect my personality!” I remember saying to him in front of the whole staff: “Come on, we all have a side that we want to show people, Think of it as a game!” Now, I wish I could add: “It’s a tool so we can get to know each other better, you might be much more complex than this, but it’s a doorway at least”. Funny enough, this guy and I ended up in the same category (ENTP), LOL!

When I am in a good state of mind, first contact with me is pretty much easy, I think. I believe I’m a friendly and outgoing, I put people at ease and I speak loudly about anything. I love social misfits and I make a point of bringing out the best of them, because they also bring the best in me. I think I see a bit beyond the surface, but I only work with what people want to give of themselves. (I’m a surprisingly good match maker!). I think I highly value how people see me, and maybe that’s why I have moderate (ok, sometimes severe) social anxiety.

When I’m in a bad state of mind, I usually want to be left alone. When people still want to connect with me, I feel exposed, I’m panicking. My façade then goes out of control and I feel like disappearing, (READ HERE: cease to exist), even if my inside voice is telling me: “everything is fine, nobody cares that you are flipping out, just allow yourself this moment of weakness and carry on”. I judge myself very harshly; every misstep for me is a big deal. I want to be able to CONTROL when and how I make a fool of myself.

Yes, for me, the East would be about control as well as letting people in. A playing ground with a protection net of some sort. Like, a place where you and I can connect or not, a place of deceit or wonder. It’s a place to judge and be judge, so why not give it your best, huh?