Captain’s log: Music, the Original Dream Maker

I’m hypersensitive to music; I find myself engulfed deep in dream from the first few seconds of a song. I love listening to music. I like when music reflects what I’m living and how I feel. I also love not paying attention to music, for instance, when I’m translating, I need white noise to help me focus. Yes, I’m that type of person who listen to thunders and rain, sounds of the forest and Japanese Zen Garden soundtrack for 3 hours straight.

My dad was a huge Pink Floyd fan and had the whole collection of disks with a hardcover book that included the lyrics. I spent hours trying to understand the meaning of each songs… Then I realised that the songs were linked together, and that it was a story! Leave it to concept albums and Pink Floyd to make you dream!

favourite_pink_floyd_album
Iconic picture

At my parent’s house, there was always music on, from dusk till dawn! My parents mainly loved Québec Folk and French Songwriters, so I was immediately drawn to lyrics and the deep meaning being the text… To this day, lyrics more than anything determine my emotional connection to a song. Yes, for me, music is a matter of the heart. I have anchored many artists and/or songs in my life who serves as beacons when I need it the most. I love music for me became a dream language of its own!

I love all kind of music, but metal is probably the music that I enjoy the most, I think it’s because it assume itself a lot as a whole genre that can be really dark to downright comical. I always enjoyed dramatic performances! I also plan on write a post about how Marilyn Manson used the sorcerer energy to attain his level of awesomeness. (Not metal, I know, I know!)

I have a background in classical music, and it nearly destroyed my love for music altogether – from my conservatory years, I understand that I am not able to thrive while observing such strict rules and structures (I can… to a point). I had little confidence in myself, I became anxious and it rendered the music I played tasteless and insignificant… Results were expected and I could not deliver, according to my own sensitive appreciation of music and its spirit. That made me hate to play.

Thank the Gods, some people are able to master the rigorous techniques and handle the crazy long rehearsing hours, all the while letting their artistic sense shines through! An orchestra is like a circle that holds a dream. No one can be trapped in their ego (like I was) when playing with others. It is a 50-men job to do just one piece, you and your ego DO NOT matter in the least. All that matter is the piece and its delivery. You have to enter a sort of lucid trance, with one foot in the experience and one foot rooted in the techniques and skills you’ve honed. This is not even funny, this is a tour de force each time!

Annie joue
Doublebass teacher, without permission :S

I often think back my short time as a double-bassist student with much shame, but no regret… maybe except how I promptly quit without a word and how it may have disappointed my teacher at the time. She had somehow faith in me. But I felt I just wasn’t a really good musician. It took me a long time to perceive music like I used to, especially when I played. I had to start dreaming again to really be able to understand it again.

Art for me is the realisation of dreaming. I judged my talents in drawing and painting according to my inner version of what I really wanted to make and it’s why I struggle with production hehe.

Art, as dreaming, is difficult to manifest, it is a skill that you must hone all your life so it can resemble what you see inside, what you love, what is the most precious and valuable version of your vision, according to you. There is a clash, a discrepancy, between form and content that can be filled by spirit or sacredness to make it whole. (ALSO practice, practice, practice…)

johnny-cash-hurt
Ca$h!

An awesome blogger I subscribe to on WordPress posted about covers, and mentioned that the song “hurt” from John Cash had “something more” than the original version from NIN. I believe that this song by a dying man permitted him to express his journey. It is amazing how the same song convey a different emotion. Trent Reznor, 29 at that time, talked about regrets, of bad patterns, of losing yourself in depression. Cash’s version is talking about Death, about HIS death, that is why the last sentence conveys bitter-sweetness instead of TR’s glimmer of hope.

If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way.

Cash made of this song a reflection on his life, regrets, joys, hardship, high and low points of his life. What he did was courageous, vulnerable and honest. It talks about a rite de passage that we will all face, and I believe that’s the “something more” he added to the song… He was able to fill the gap with what was inside of him and to transpose it in reality.

You know, I sure hope at the time of my Death I can look back on my life without edits, shame or mediocrity. (Ah!) I believe that even though I struggled and I did things that I am not proud of, I walked in sacredness, at least from time to time.

Some years ago, I selected the song that I thought was perfect for my funerals, but as I read it now, I see that it is more suited to describe my Life!

🙂

 

MUZZLE

I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said and everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead

As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world

My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I’m forever broken
By and by the way…
Have you ever heard the words I’m singing in these song?
It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong?

As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world

And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I’d fall for certain
For thinking that I’d last forever

But I knew exactly where I was
And I knew the meaning of it all
And I knew the distance to the sun
And I knew the echo that is love
And I knew the secrets in your spires
And I knew the emptiness of youth
And I knew the solitude of heart
And I knew the murmurs of the soul
And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is world you can’t live without

And I knew the silence of the world.

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One thought on “Captain’s log: Music, the Original Dream Maker

  1. moonfire2012

    Music is a big part of my life too. If it’s not going outside, it’s inside my head. I practically have a theme song for everything, lol. I went through the struggle of playing musical instruments as a child I didn’t appreciate till I was older, like the violin. I lost a violin when I was 9 on the bus and years later my brother got me another one for my birthday. I’ve been practicing inconsistently, but enough to say I haven’t abandoned it.

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