Captain’s log: I dreamed of you

In a parallel universe, I’ve been working on an awesome story. I started this exploration, this dream, during the summer of 2010. It is a very interesting story, with a great historical and political background, a great beginning, a powerful ending but no linear middle. That makes it very challenging to write!

In this story, I invented characters that I really like and that of course address themes that are important to me like gender-norms deconstruction, underdogs beating the odds, irresponsibility v.s. destiny… Most of the characters are based on people around me: OCs10001myself *GASPS* my crush at that time, my teachers, my favorite (or least favorite) people… But there was one the main character that was based on nothing, on no one I knew and he acted on principles that I didn’t really understand or even valued. He was created as the complement to the main character, to balance her and to balance the wielding of the power of the universe (It’s a kid’s book…long story!). His name is Zed.

Zed is a bit androgynous, slender but not too tall, with long blond hair and wide green eyes. He is a kind, hardworking, single-minded, candid, silly and hopeful young man. He is balancing a calculating, entitled, sarcastic, lazy-ass, loud-mouth Saki. Where she is lazy and careless, he is constant and mindful. When she is being antagonistic, he answers with openness. Where she escapes, he endures. He is an “Earth-Guardian” and Saki is a “Sky-Guardian”, they learn to work together since they compete OCs20001to be the same master’s pupil. Through their apprenticeships, many completely absurd and tricky situations arise underlining the differences in their unique characters. Through it all, they complement each other and they forged a bond of trust. While observing one another, they become genuinely interested in becoming more than they are. That’s when they realised that they are able to wield the opposite of their natural power, they influenced and taught each other, unlocking their own complete power and become DOUBLE GUARDIAN! *Fanfare music!*

Anyway, their relationship story is pretty cool. But how can I EVER understand a character like Zed? I had no basis whatsoever on what it was like to be hardworking, to be kind, to be patient, to be hopeful… I had no person like that in my environment!


But then, after 5 years of (on and off) questionings about Zed, I met Matthew and I started to understand why this character, that was so far away from me at the time of his creation, became the second main character of my book. I also started to understand why I was drawn to him in the first place. Even through the terrible or dumb things, the sticky situations he had to go through, his true heart shone through and it inspired me, the author, to reach out and unlock that kind, resilient, silly and human, part of myself. Even though I didn’t knew Matthew, I recognized that part of him, that part he is teaching me, that part I dreamed about.

Happy birthday, mon amour ❤ jomat


You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you I’ve missed you for 29 years


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