Captain’s Log: About Relationships and the Lotus Effect

 

This girl is like the Lotus Flower, cleaning the dirty water around her. Cherish her. She will make you a family. “– Boys over Flowers

Embrace messages from TV, lol!

Story

This Korean Drama that I’ve been watching for a few weeks has been a 25-episode long metaphor about the Lotus Medicine! It is a silly, cheesy, over dramatic teen drama full of angst, terrible plot holes and fan service scene. In a nutshell: every relationship ever. Geum JanDi, the main character, wins a scholarship for a school for the super-rich families of Korea. She is immediately being pushed around by everyone in her environment, it goes from simple name-calling, attempt murder, attack on her family’s business and finally her house being destroyed by the “Old Witch”, the mother of a super-rich guy who’s in love with her. Now, why is that relevant? Hmm?

Geum jandiYes, the teachings of the Lotus would have been completely lost under these huge avalanche of clichés and Asian TV Tropes, if it hadn’t been for a guide poking me in the right direction. Gomabseubnida! Pighting!

Geum JanDi always powers through it, washing away all the mud that is thrown her way by the Old Witch. Through adversity, she stays, strong clean and dignified.

If I haven’t said it once I haven’t said it a thousand times: my environment is one of the most important thing for me. Ever since I’ve been living in my own “space” (read here: not at my parent’s), I became very tidy and clean, and it did me really good. Like the Turkish saying: Clean Hands, Clean Heart. I treat my environment as one of my vital organ. If it is great, I feel great. It took an even greater meaning in the last years, since I started observing everything happening around me in a circular way in order to understand Indigenous Dreaming and to learn how to live in its trail. That’s also when I realised I was hypersensitive… to sounds, smell, touch, freaking vibrations, let alone people!

Yes, my environment encompasses other people, so it means that the relationships I have with them are closely woven into how I pick up dream symbols. Most people around have no idea that I observe them in such a way. But it is difficult for me not to speak about it, because it brings me a lot of teachings. Some of them are, to a degree, curious about it and it makes me happy to share with them. I feel like I’m creating a link with them, (or at least, with their dreamer!) between their situation and mine. Receiving stories and seeing them through and sharing medicine is how I relate to people being elements of my environment. That’s how I touch Inter-relationships, this is how I find gems in people.

But you know, some people are just not relationship material. Before I start receiving hate mail about how everyone is perfect, let me make this clear. In biology, relationships between organisms that share the same environment is defined as symbiosis. There is 3 types of relationships between organisms in the same environment, here they are:

Mutualism: Both organisms benefit from the relationship. It is a win, win situation (+/+)

Commensalism: One organism benefits from the relationship, the other receive feels no effect from the relationship (+/0)

Parasitism: One organism benefits at the expense of another organism (+/-)

I think you know where I am headed with this. People mimic these types of relationship in real life! The parasite will take the resources you have to offer and will give you things that are detrimental to you in exchange. As we are human and not bacteria, we give the benefits of the doubt, we try to communicate, to understand the parasite, but it doesn’t change the fact that the host is being drained out. Don’t get me wrong, being a parasite is not bad in itself, but being in a relationship with one is detrimental. When you offer your tidy clean environment to them is even worst, they do NOT want to leave.parasite9

Yes, I had brought filthy people in my close environment, and it has affected me in more ways than one. Every time I let them into my life, I usually know about their dirtiness and I don’t mind it, because it is their own and I feel that everyone can bring you something to the table… I realised that my attitude in relationship is a mix of curiousness, hypersensitivity and a weirdly placed compassion; I start to help and support them, in order to have them change their situations. But these kind of people, they (inevitably) end up throwing their mud at me and in my environment… So I go ahead and clean up the messes they caused. After all, I can’t wait on them to clean up after themselves…!

I know, I’m a huge fool for thinking I ever was in a position to help parasites; parasites help themselves exclusively, external “help” is not considered as such. Cleaning and transforming is a part of my true nature and I have projected it onto others. Not everyone wants to transform themselves, not everyone wants to be clean. Some people want to just be in their own filth, some people want to use things that you have to make themselves stronger… and you know what, there is nothing wrong about it. Parasitic relationships is an inherent part of natural symbiosis. And there is no “Right or Wrong” in nature. It can speak about the unavoidability of death, for instance. Parasites people ooze Thanatos, instinct of death, without being aware of it. They do not understand their role, they are not conscious of their actions. They are doing what is most comfortable, natural for them to do, which is taking, consuming, killing, finding another host.

How about the law of attraction, you say? If you attract filth, you must be filth, right?

It took me almost a full year to understand that I was experiencing the laws of nature and not of the law of attraction. No, I am not attracting dirty because I am dirty; I just had to understand something very specific about “surviving” relationships and how I was working as a medicine person. The experience I had with those disgusting people made me embrace the medicine of the Lotus Flower. I see you rolling your eyes! So New-Age, right? Everything is “New-Age” when it is use without being anchored, or if it doesn’t bear meaning. So there:

I paddle against trash, gunk and dead bodies being eating away by fishes and birds… at the center lays a beautiful blue Flower. A child sitting on it blooming core, emitting silver light.

Medicine

The lotus flower, despite growing in muddy, filthy water remains spotless. The petals and leaves’ surface is rough and coated with wax. With not a lot of surface contact, dirt stays at the points of those rough bumps and the wax, a naturally water-repellent substance, makes the water slide across the surface, thus cleaning dirt on its way off. This phenomenon is called superhydrophobicity, or more poetically the Lotus Effect. It allows the plant to be clean and free of bacteria, even in the most disgusting of environment. The Lotus doesn’t allow any dirt to stay on it.

The Lotus is telling me that I must instill cleanliness in my relationships: the Lotus cleans itself of parasites, bacteria and dirt. I shall become a rough, waxy, mystical Flower and instead of trying to balance other people, taking on their dirt. I have to let it slide right back where it comes from. Your environment is full of parasites and there is nothing you can do about it? Brush it off, and see how long they will last. They will find another person really fast since they cannot survive on their own.

For years, when I could not shake the dirt; I changed environment completely. But the lotus grows and stands despite the dirt in its environment, it transforms itself what is directly around it. Now that I understand that my environment and relationships are but one big symbiotic system, I know that even if I change my environment without cleaning my relationships, the draining will remains. But with this exploration, I feel those parasites will be easier to identify and to remove. They will flow back directly into the water and of course, find another body to feed off, since they cannot survive on their own. Vampire is as vampire does. They will be feeding and killing, because that is their nature… so might as well let them do their things, but I will not tolerate them any longer in my space. At this point it becomes an exercise in discernment and detachment.

Good thing that my family name means wax…! 😉

Blue Lotus Flower wallpaper 14.jpg

 

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3 thoughts on “Captain’s Log: About Relationships and the Lotus Effect

  1. Wow – I just managed to accidentally delete a fairly long comment before getting the chance to send … it’s closer to bed time for me than I thought, it would seem 😉

    I find what you say about Dreaming very interesting … perhaps a conversation for another time 🙂

    Regarding what you wrote about people not being willing or able to change their natures, there is a parable about a fox and scorpion, that I first encountered while watching Star Trek Voyager of all things, related by the character, Chakotay:

    A scorpion was walking along the bank of the river, wondering how to get to the other side.Suddenly he saw a fox. He asked the fox to take him on his back across the river.The fox said, “No. If I do that, you’ll sting me and I’ll drown.”The scorpion assured him, “If I did that, we’d both drown.”So the fox thought about it and finally agreed. So the scorpion climbed up on his back and thefox began to swim. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung him.As the poison filled his veins, the fox turned to the scorpion and said,”Why did you do that? Now you’ll drown too.””I couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

    When dealing with people, I look for their core, for their ‘nature’ if you will. I estimate people based on their tendency toward one way or another; while adding in other insights from what I see in a person, like animal influences and the like. I keep in mind that a positive person can commit negative actions and still remain a positive person – and vice versa – it’s the tendency I like to spot in people that gives me an idea whether or not there is a benefit to be had by continuing to deal with that person, and how to achieve that benefit. Or, sometimes, it gives me all the warning to stand aside and let that person pass by.

    I also liked what you wrote about the buffer zone and the lotus. I understand buffer zones – mine is the storm, triggered by what some people carry along with them in their spirits (otherwise, I’m just a normal cloud, happy to bring some shade). Your way is more gentle and requires much less energy … my way focuses much less on detachment. Either way, I think for any kind of spirit person, the buffer zone is critical, where it is simply healthy for anyone else.

    • You are so on the ball regarding the fox and the scorpion… that’s almost scary 😉 LOVE Voyager!

      My problem is that I love gambling, I like when people beat the odds.. but I now understand that it is a romantic misconception of reality.

      Thank you for your comments!

      • A person with Coyote in her name, who enjoys the idea of beating the odds so much that she’s willing to take risks? I’m beside myself with shock ;-P And I wouldn’t be so fast to call your perspective a romantic misconception, you come close to minimizing a part of your own nature … luck is perfectly real, and there are some who seem to be able to dance with luck and never miss a step. Like any gambler, though, you just have to be as aware of the risks as you are the potential payoffs for long shot odds – like the old song from Kenny Rogers says, “You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run …” 😉

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