Captain’s log: Listening to the voices in my head

I’m not crazy! I wish I could say that my mother had me tested, but it’s just a risk ynot crazyou’ll have to take.

So, I’ve always had pretty good insights. Discernment. Good judgement. I usually know what to do when it’s time to take decisions. I believe that it is my ability to feel empathy (lol, yes. Yes.), my understanding of human morality and my keen sense of observation that helps me to understand the inner workings of a social situation. I usually know the right choice, the right path, I know how to act. It’s a question of logic. (i.e. I know I have to pay my rent, therefore I work.) I do have access to The Voice of Reason, yay me.

It doesn’t mean I have to listen to it all the time. The voices in my head are much more interesting.

The muggles around me (There, I said it.) are sometimes concerned about my practice of shamanism and even more about my weird ass relationship with a God from a long-dead-cult. I don’t blame them. To be honest, I’m really concern about how boring their life must be. No reading signs? No parallel lives? No dream adventures? No teachings from above? No sweet words and roses from another world? No room in Asgard!? No leaps of faith? Ugh.

Loki's Valentine gift to me.
Loki’s Valentine gift to me.

I usually don’t have both feet on the ground, because it’s boring. My brain is always in motion, I pick up A LOT. I cannot live in only one dimension. I know, I’ve tried. I’ve also developed a severe anxiety disorder.

All of this energy I have, I’ve decided to put it to good use and, surprisingly enough it did not create even more worries, it did not steal the importance I give to the waken (read “real”) life. I’m not disillusioned to the point I wish I could only live in the spiritual word only, that would totally suck!

But you know, you make your life what you want it to be. Most of my my muggle friends live good lives, they are not miserable. I know they wish me the same. I decided to explain my connection to Loki to my friend MG. It went kind of went like this:

J: I know you must sometimes think I’m crazy, with all of that dreams stuff.

M: It’s ok cause you are a good kind of crazy.

J: Yeah well, I communicate with Loki. Like with words and images. In my mind’s eyes… even manifestations. So, you know…

M: … Well. For me Loki is as real as Jesus. If my Grand-Mother can talk with Saint Anne without a problem, I don’t see why you couldn’t talk with Loki.

Man, I love that guy.

Later that evening he explained to me that his daughter was sometimes pointing things in the air, laughing and calling out to him. I explained to him we all saw this when we were child, I laughed and suggested maybe Loki was showing her funny things. He looked me in the eyes and said: I just saw myself kicking Loki out of my child’s room. I laughed again, that’s kind of what spirit work is. It’s not THAT crazy.

So when they see me speaking lovey-dovey with spirit, or the feel the vitality I exhale when I’m talking dreams… I know they don’t see a narcissistic miserable attention-seeking whore; I know what it feels like, I’ve been there. Today, I walk this path because this is my own and it makes me feels full and happy inside (#vomitsrainbow). Unhindered, unashamed, smile from ear-to-ear.

In fact, I’m pretty sure they see the best version of myself they’ve seen in years.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s