April 8th, 2015
I Howl, I Growl: Coyote Energy on the Loose
“Yet, it’s important to remember that in old Shamanism and for indigenous people the concept of totems isn’t so much about self-discovery as it is about survival.” – Rattling the Bones, June 13th, 2010
Phew, that was a close one. Almost got my neck snapped here! But I know that EVENTUALLY my luck will run out. I’ll have to reconsider my approach, either explore another totem either balanced with my Coyote energy much better. You know, at one point I was almost tempted to kill it myself. I judge it severely. I deem the Wolf to be way “greater” than the Coyote. I mean look at their beautiful ways of living, look at their strong bodies, their loyalty to the pack, their unwavering mightiness…
And, now look at that Coyote eating from the trash cans, jumping from roof to roof and killing backyard dogs to survive. Yes, coyotes are daring, clever and resourceful, but let just say it’s not the most distinguished way of living. LOL.
I understand that I cannot fit in a wolf pack, not now. Maybe not ever. There is a structure to respect and the bonds are waaayyy too close for me. This kind of proximity is reserved it to certain people, to my inner family. Not my blood family, I’m pretty sure I come from a family of HORSES- lol. Strong-willed worker – play and party hard. I always felt out of place, my family always saw me as a weakling that would never make it without help – or luck. I think I understand their concerns: from a totemic point of view, I AM weaker than big strong horses.
I have NEVER been able to deeply connect with a group. I’ve always been the satellite. My best relation are one on one, still I’m a WISE LEADER but very few people are ready to be led by me. I always wondered why that was… lol. I’m friendly with almost everyone, I make people laugh, I give them good advices, I go out of my way to make the best of them shine… but people do not take me seriously because I do NOT exhale power, but they don’t trust me, because they know I can still BITE. This has been the struggle I experienced in relationships in group, ever since I was born, with my blood family, within my groups of friends and now, within this community as well.
I’m not taken seriously, I’m not trusted. I understand it has nothing to do WITH ME, but how PEOPLE PERCIEVE ME. No matter how serious or committed JOELLE is, it doesn’t matter. That is not what perspires of me. The wise leader is only second to the trickster that put everyone off.
K asked me if I loved my Coyote. I thought the question was ridiculous. Of course I LOVE Coyote, opener of gates, daring harbinger of change, sacred clown and lonely dismal trickster. Whatever he does, whatever he brings, is sacred. “Well, not always” she answered. Yes. Always. Movement he brings is sacred, movement is everything.
“Movement cause vomiting, you know that, right? You’ve always been sick in the car. You can’t just walk with me and expect a smooth ride. It IS going to be messy. But wherever you want to go, we’ll get there, with vomit chunks on your chin and nothing left in your stomach, but we’ll get there. This is survival. Make sure to remember that, kid. I’ll always be “on the loose”. Don’t count on me to let you stay in the box. I always be there to show you the way but be real careful where you walk.”