I’ve been sitting in the West for a few weeks now. I don’t exactly feel comfortable here. Well… I don’t think it’s a place to BE comfortable to begging with. My perceptions of the West vary greatly from a second to another. It’s a place of mystery, extremely attractive and scary; a place where you know something either good or bad will be happen, like when you stick your hand in a dark barrel.
It’s the place where everything is possible, dreams or nightmares. An endless number doors opening and closing, the cracking sound of your childhood swing, the light touch of a cat paw on your face.
Every hair on my body is awaken and capture variations in the air, it shivers when a shadow pass through. My stomach is turning upside down as the ice tempest begins to rage again, against the fiery landscape of my soul. Smoke rises and washes the window of the house where I stand, in a room surrounded by doors, keys and knife in my hand. The vibration comes from every pores of me, shaking my rib cage, where demons that never were mine, are pleading to be released. Happy or sad familiar faces, they are wearing different kind of masks and hold their arms out to me. So I shut them up again; their voices try to overpower my own. My unease won’t dictate my behaviour, not this time. It is too pure here. They should know their places.
My eyes are fixated on the incredible beauty of those wild mountains, cutting through the sky like a sharp edged knife. I can see them all, the creatures of the mountain, the dancing foxes clan that named me “warrior”. Endless laughter and inviting smiles shining through darkness, guiding me to that place I have seen a million times before, the place I can return to. Where my eyes are clear and my heart is cleansed.
I understand the end. I’ll cheat her as long as I can, until she catches up with me. And then I’ll fight and then I’ll do her the honour of letting her slid lovely hand down my face to close my eyes.
But until then, I’m swaying slowly where the wind is willing to take me, until I become like rain in your hand.