Captain’s log : Sacredness

What are you hunting for?

I’m hunting for EFFICENCY and STRENGHT. 

But you already have that. What are you hunting for?

I AM HUNTING FOR SACREDNESS. Efficiency and Strenght are tools I have to hunt for sacredness.  

-Conversation in Limbo

(Attention, rant below!)

enso

What is it you perceive when you hear the word “sacredness”?

I often use the term “walk in sacredness” (and assume that everyone understands what I mean). Sacredness is not something you can achieve. It is not the communication with the divin or any type of gnosis. It is much more elusive, less charged than anything the notion of “Sacredness” can evoke. It is quite simple, really.

One of my teacher once said: “Sacredness is when you slide your finger on your drum.”

… you had to be there.

Yes! Being there is one of the crucial component of sacredness, being present, not forcing yourself to be present. Maybe it starts in silence, or the realization of silence. No wait, that is wrong: The way you tap in sacredness can start by silence, as sacredness is always there.

There is always a sacred way to walk.  The Medicine Wheel (tool) and Indigenous Dreaming (experience) can show you the full array of possibilities. You have to be attuned to your own role and medicine.

From what I gathered, to walk in sacredness is to it is to follow the underlying principle of nature. (pfff only this).You can have all the knowledge in the world, friend, you can be wise as fuck or be attuned to yours and other people’s feelings. You can be so very creative and wellspoken. I doesn’t matter to sacredness.

For example, one woman was taught the sacred way of the medicine wheel but then decided it was not her path and moved away from it. She continued on living by what she liked from the teachings of the wheel and taught them to other people. 

This, doesn’t matter with how scrupulous respect she shared to others teachings she received, this is not teachings a Sacred Way: this is plain copy-pasting of knowledge for insatiable westerners who needs instant gratification, to feel admire and to control every perspectives of the teaching. You cannot teach or live in a sacred manner if you are not walking your talk.

I mean, did you think that you could learn shamanism in books or on your own, without ever being challenged or broken in your illusions and at the same time as living in crazy mundane westerner settings, ALWAYS walking on the sacred path of the ancestors?

Go headed and say your bits because it sounds good and gives you a sense of moral authority and value over your peers, you can go right ahead sell you junk labelled “sacred tools” at fairs for other westerners to enjoy, but goddamn it, stay away from teachings and leading fucking circles, LOL!

Wow, I didn’t know I was that pissed off! Did I acted in the role of the defending warrior or was my moon of value triggered? WE’LL NEVER KNOW. Anyway.

Someday I wish that someday I can be a teacher myself, but I see that I am ages away from it. Even after 4 years of working on knowing myself and my medicine as well as try understand the maps the ancestors have worked on for millenniums, I only can catch glimpses of sacredness, and live it momentarily. Whenever I follow pointers from the dreaming or of nature, I get all excited like a child holding a butterfly. Then it is already gone!

For all I know it might be just the nature of the relationship between incarnated beings and nature.

To be continued.

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Like a child, holding a butterfly!

 

The Medicine Wheel: Dreaming the clans

It’s been a while that I wanted to write about the Medicine Wheel. I have done a series of texts on my experiences and perspectives with the East, South, West and North anchors, a few years ago, so in the spirit of continuity, I will explore the clans! In the tradition I am learning, seven clans lay on the Medicine Wheel (Starting from the North-East):

  • The Father Clan (Angel)
  • The Mother Clan (Earth)
  • The Grand Mother Clan (Moon)
  • The Turtle Clan (Storyteller)
  • The Frog Clan (!! can’t remember)
  • The Thunder Being Clan
  • The Butterfly Clan

Clans speak of archetypes to which your soul resembles the most. Picture a Teepee, in which a fire is burning. Around the fire are seven figures, where do you stand?

bonfire

***

angelThe first is a tall androgynous creature with wings on his shoulder and a stoic face. He speak in a grave manner, poking at the fire with his stick. He seems to be talking directly at you, explaining, leading. He has been there before and knows what and how it should be done. He was with granted insights and given the terrible responsibilities of caring for the others, which is why you can call him Angel Clan.

fairiesRight next to him is a fairy like creature – in fact, you are not sure if they are more than one person there. Their hands are dirty or wet or dry or burnt from cradling the Earth and Water and Air and Fire alike. They are laughing or crying, you are not sure, but you know they are dancing in that glowing light in a shape of a mother with open arms. She has been blessed with a sensible soul and thin skin that let her hear the beat of the planet, which is why you call her Earth Clan.

oracleThe third figure bears a strange smile. Even though she keeps very still, every time you look to her, she has changed. It looks like she is conversing, sometimes with Spirit sometimes with herself. From her you hear faint laughter or words riddled with strangeness that echoes within one part of your soul. She is ever changing but always present, with one foot in the real and one in the mystery, which is why you call her the Moon Clan.

turtleislandNext to her is sitting a woman who vibrate very slowly. Her eyes are closed and she listen to the sounds of stories. Her skin is riddled with words, it looks like they are slowly flowing in her wrinkles like rivers in their bed. When she open her mouth she speaks like the ancestors, as if she observed them for a thousand years. She has received the gifts of observation, respect of traditions and a quick tongue, which is why you call her the Storyteller Clan.

frogTo her left is a strong and vibrant young man with a quick eye. His joyous demeanour hides the fact that every angles of the environment has been scrumptiously studied to give him an edge, an advantage over you. You see in his eye everything he had overcome to be sitting here and that even in his stillness he looks ready to jump out at any moment.

 

The-Gargoyle-in-the-Rain--102166Next to him is a tall and wide creature, his skin is dark, as if made of stone. He study the circle with a critical eye. His voice is deep like a distant rumbling and  a foggy mist creeps around the room. In the split second you gaze off him, he has already summon enough energy to burn you to a crisp. Then, you hear his laughter as clear as the gentle rain.

 

shm-5078a7300a677-mockwht_blkThe last creature to complete the circle hovers above ground and flickers on himself. He looks at the figures around the fire and mimics them. With every gaze he touches the deep thoughtfulness, the breath of exaltation, the mysterious, the anchored wisdom, the mindful walk and the rumbling propulsion… and when it is over his wings suddenly stop flapping. He shed away that part of him and see everyone – including himself – anew.

***

Being in one clan does not mean that you are not experiencing the full array of archetypes. It only means that one of them represents the “family of your soul”.  For instance, I believe that I am from the Grand Mother Clan, but it is only after 3, 5 years of intense pondering and soul searching that I came to this conclusion, lol! I thought that maybe I was a Butterfly or – god preserve- a Thunder being!

Truth is that I share much affinities with Thunder beings. At first I was appalled by them, but I understand it was my very own aptitude to snap under a second that I disliked about myself. I was judging the clan based on my own programming. I’ve made my peace with my tendency towards anger and now I can appreciate it as the wisdom of the Thunder being clan: PROPULSION. In general, being angry does not hurt or shame me anymore, it brings me closer to resolution. It is but one mystery of how my inner mechanisms work. I’m glad I have learned a lesson from the TBC, it helps me explore the many – many – fragments of my soul.

 

Interested in learning more about the Medicine Wheel?  Please visit http://www.idreamer.ca

Odin(??) says…

Sexuality is like chemical reactions; it depends on the elements that you mix together. It will most likely create a reaction. It can be a really small one or it can cause explosions… but sometimes when you are truly lucky, it will create Perfection.

JosephWright-Alchemist-Cropped
The Alchemist in Search of the Philosophers Stone- Joseph Wright of Derby (1771)

A Birthday Gift from the Dream

Yesterday night, I dreamed of a Bull attacking me at my workplace. This morning there was a weird event at work regarding my office.

Then, I came across of a karate master, Mas Oyama, Father of the Kyukoshin Karate style. (Karate : “Empty Hand”, Kyokushin: “The Search for the Ultimate Truth”).

He is coincidently known as the BULL KILLER, because he literally killed 3 bull, empty handedly. His goal when he threw a punch was to break the ribs, and if it was blocked, to break the arm.

oyama_bull
Masutatsu Oyama

Just wanted to put it out there. Happy Birthday to me.

Captain’s log: Music, the Original Dream Maker

I’m hypersensitive to music; I find myself engulfed deep in dream from the first few seconds of a song. I love listening to music. I like when music reflects what I’m living and how I feel. I also love not paying attention to music, for instance, when I’m translating, I need white noise to help me focus. Yes, I’m that type of person who listen to thunders and rain, sounds of the forest and Japanese Zen Garden soundtrack for 3 hours straight.

My dad was a huge Pink Floyd fan and had the whole collection of disks with a hardcover book that included the lyrics. I spent hours trying to understand the meaning of each songs… Then I realised that the songs were linked together, and that it was a story! Leave it to concept albums and Pink Floyd to make you dream!

favourite_pink_floyd_album
Iconic picture

At my parent’s house, there was always music on, from dusk till dawn! My parents mainly loved Québec Folk and French Songwriters, so I was immediately drawn to lyrics and the deep meaning being the text… To this day, lyrics more than anything determine my emotional connection to a song. Yes, for me, music is a matter of the heart. I have anchored many artists and/or songs in my life who serves as beacons when I need it the most. I love music for me became a dream language of its own!

I love all kind of music, but metal is probably the music that I enjoy the most, I think it’s because it assume itself a lot as a whole genre that can be really dark to downright comical. I always enjoyed dramatic performances! I also plan on write a post about how Marilyn Manson used the sorcerer energy to attain his level of awesomeness. (Not metal, I know, I know!)

I have a background in classical music, and it nearly destroyed my love for music altogether – from my conservatory years, I understand that I am not able to thrive while observing such strict rules and structures (I can… to a point). I had little confidence in myself, I became anxious and it rendered the music I played tasteless and insignificant… Results were expected and I could not deliver, according to my own sensitive appreciation of music and its spirit. That made me hate to play.

Thank the Gods, some people are able to master the rigorous techniques and handle the crazy long rehearsing hours, all the while letting their artistic sense shines through! An orchestra is like a circle that holds a dream. No one can be trapped in their ego (like I was) when playing with others. It is a 50-men job to do just one piece, you and your ego DO NOT matter in the least. All that matter is the piece and its delivery. You have to enter a sort of lucid trance, with one foot in the experience and one foot rooted in the techniques and skills you’ve honed. This is not even funny, this is a tour de force each time!

Annie joue
Doublebass teacher, without permission :S

I often think back my short time as a double-bassist student with much shame, but no regret… maybe except how I promptly quit without a word and how it may have disappointed my teacher at the time. She had somehow faith in me. But I felt I just wasn’t a really good musician. It took me a long time to perceive music like I used to, especially when I played. I had to start dreaming again to really be able to understand it again.

Art for me is the realisation of dreaming. I judged my talents in drawing and painting according to my inner version of what I really wanted to make and it’s why I struggle with production hehe.

Art, as dreaming, is difficult to manifest, it is a skill that you must hone all your life so it can resemble what you see inside, what you love, what is the most precious and valuable version of your vision, according to you. There is a clash, a discrepancy, between form and content that can be filled by spirit or sacredness to make it whole. (ALSO practice, practice, practice…)

johnny-cash-hurt
Ca$h!

An awesome blogger I subscribe to on WordPress posted about covers, and mentioned that the song “hurt” from John Cash had “something more” than the original version from NIN. I believe that this song by a dying man permitted him to express his journey. It is amazing how the same song convey a different emotion. Trent Reznor, 29 at that time, talked about regrets, of bad patterns, of losing yourself in depression. Cash’s version is talking about Death, about HIS death, that is why the last sentence conveys bitter-sweetness instead of TR’s glimmer of hope.

If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way.

Cash made of this song a reflection on his life, regrets, joys, hardship, high and low points of his life. What he did was courageous, vulnerable and honest. It talks about a rite de passage that we will all face, and I believe that’s the “something more” he added to the song… He was able to fill the gap with what was inside of him and to transpose it in reality.

You know, I sure hope at the time of my Death I can look back on my life without edits, shame or mediocrity. (Ah!) I believe that even though I struggled and I did things that I am not proud of, I walked in sacredness, at least from time to time.

Some years ago, I selected the song that I thought was perfect for my funerals, but as I read it now, I see that it is more suited to describe my Life!

🙂

 

MUZZLE

I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said and everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead

As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world

My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I’m forever broken
By and by the way…
Have you ever heard the words I’m singing in these song?
It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong?

As all things must surely have to end
And great loves will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world

And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I’d fall for certain
For thinking that I’d last forever

But I knew exactly where I was
And I knew the meaning of it all
And I knew the distance to the sun
And I knew the echo that is love
And I knew the secrets in your spires
And I knew the emptiness of youth
And I knew the solitude of heart
And I knew the murmurs of the soul
And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is world you can’t live without

And I knew the silence of the world.

Captain’s log: I dreamed of you

In a parallel universe, I’ve been working on an awesome story. I started this exploration, this dream, during the summer of 2010. It is a very interesting story, with a great historical and political background, a great beginning, a powerful ending but no linear middle. That makes it very challenging to write!

In this story, I invented characters that I really like and that of course address themes that are important to me like gender-norms deconstruction, underdogs beating the odds, irresponsibility v.s. destiny… Most of the characters are based on people around me: OCs10001myself *GASPS* my crush at that time, my teachers, my favorite (or least favorite) people… But there was one the main character that was based on nothing, on no one I knew and he acted on principles that I didn’t really understand or even valued. He was created as the complement to the main character, to balance her and to balance the wielding of the power of the universe (It’s a kid’s book…long story!). His name is Zed.

Zed is a bit androgynous, slender but not too tall, with long blond hair and wide green eyes. He is a kind, hardworking, single-minded, candid, silly and hopeful young man. He is balancing a calculating, entitled, sarcastic, lazy-ass, loud-mouth Saki. Where she is lazy and careless, he is constant and mindful. When she is being antagonistic, he answers with openness. Where she escapes, he endures. He is an “Earth-Guardian” and Saki is a “Sky-Guardian”, they learn to work together since they compete OCs20001to be the same master’s pupil. Through their apprenticeships, many completely absurd and tricky situations arise underlining the differences in their unique characters. Through it all, they complement each other and they forged a bond of trust. While observing one another, they become genuinely interested in becoming more than they are. That’s when they realised that they are able to wield the opposite of their natural power, they influenced and taught each other, unlocking their own complete power and become DOUBLE GUARDIAN! *Fanfare music!*

Anyway, their relationship story is pretty cool. But how can I EVER understand a character like Zed? I had no basis whatsoever on what it was like to be hardworking, to be kind, to be patient, to be hopeful… I had no person like that in my environment!

 

But then, after 5 years of (on and off) questionings about Zed, I met Matthew and I started to understand why this character, that was so far away from me at the time of his creation, became the second main character of my book. I also started to understand why I was drawn to him in the first place. Even through the terrible or dumb things, the sticky situations he had to go through, his true heart shone through and it inspired me, the author, to reach out and unlock that kind, resilient, silly and human, part of myself. Even though I didn’t knew Matthew, I recognized that part of him, that part he is teaching me, that part I dreamed about.

Happy birthday, mon amour ❤ jomat

 

You know I dreamed about you for 29 years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you I’ve missed you for 29 years